Taming my inner critic
Issue no.3 | An Anecdote from high school | Sketchbook pages | Cool links | A poll
Hi friend (*˘︶˘*).。.:*♡ ,
Today marks 2 months and 27 days until Comic con Cape Town. The countdown has commenced and I am hard at work trying to prepare for Artist alley. I will be sharing a table with my friend Katya who goes by Pony of the sea. Go check her out!
In this issue I will introduce a new segment called Illustration Practice. In this segment I will explore some aspects of maintaining an illustration practice, what I am up to currently, what I learned or what my thoughts are on illustration topics and reflect on my own work and experiences as an illustrator.
Here’s this month’s content:
Illustration Practice (NEW!)
Sketchbook pages
Some interesting things from this month
A little poll
I hope you enjoy it!
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Illustration practice | Mindset
My own worse critic - Giving my art a chance to grow…
When I was in high school I would draw almost every moment I could. It was in my grade 8 year (age 16) when I started doing endless anatomy studies and working hard to reach a certain level. I was always bogged down with a horrible self-mutilating feeling. This feeling held me back a lot. It was a feeling riddled with self-doubt, self-criticism and a lack of self-direction. For now, let’s focus on one of these - self-criticism.
Whenever I started a drawing I would stop before It had a chance to develop into anything. In that early stage, I already foresaw what it was going to become: a flop. A horrible piece of rubbish that will not be good enough. I never gave the piece a chance to blossom. I never gave myself a chance to push through a learning curve. I was very much my own worse critic. It looked a bit like this
And it felt something like this…
I had put other amazing artists on a pedestal. It was like my subconscious mind had decided that, if I wasn't going to be as good as them, then It was not worth even trying. And as a result, whenever I tried to sit and work on an artwork this invisible barrier came up in front of me. It kept me from doing anything to progress. And yet I tried anyway. Over and over again. And then I stopped. If my drawing wasn’t at the same level as theirs then it isn't worth continuing. My university days came and I resorted to sketching doodles in my sketchbook.
I realised that this feeling was never going to go away and the only thing I could do is make peace with it and not let it control my art. I had to take control of IT. By this I meant that I started to identify when I have this feeling then I would consciously fight it. I would push myself to finish an artwork. I would accept the outcome. If it was going to be a shitty artwork then so be it, I will then just see it as a stepping stone to better artworks in my future endeavours. This has helped me in so many instances, especially when I needed to meet a deadline. It has helped me combat my tendencies to want to be at an unreachable level. (Finished. Not perfect. As Jake Parker has taught me.)
The point is: If we judge our drawings by those early lines and sketches,of course it is shit. But we are not giving ourselves a chance to see what it can become. You won't judge a cake by the way you added the eggs, right?
Here are some of my earlier drawings that never got past the “not-good-enough” mindset I had…
Looking at them now I wish I had continued. There are some really nice ideas here and I think I could have gotten somewhere if I just. Maybe I should do a redraw of an old artwork in the future.
Is this something you struggle with? How have you come to deal with this? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
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Sketchbook pages
January pages
here is a few pages from my sketchbook
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Interesting things…
A list of interesting links
Why Waiting For Perfect Opportunities Ruins Art Careers - Adam Duff never fails to inspire me to become a better artist with his motivational pep talks.
This list of art ideas to challenge yourself for 2023.
I’ve been obsessed with The Marvelous Mrs Maisel on Amazon Prime lately. Such a good show and I am learning so much about the history of stand up comedy from it too.
This thought provoking comic-style essay on The Verge
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Poll
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And that’s all I got for this month, folks. Thank you for getting this far. I hope my ramblings have inspired something in you to create or become better in some way.
xxx